Missing

I'm missing girls' night tonight. I am bummed. I was looking forward to hanging out with my friends and just relaxing. It's ok though, while I am sad to miss the fun, my sick baby needs her mama. There will be other nights I am sure, and if I went all I would have been able to think about would have been Cel. So tonight I will care for her and after she goes to bed, Steven and I will watch Sex and the City here together. He told me would watch with me since I am missing it. I love him.

Things are getting better for me these days. With Gram's anniversary coming up this week I thought I would be feeling much worse, but I think I am dealing with this in a healthy way. Finally. It's been a long road to get here to this feeling, but it's not so intense anymore. Mom and Dad headed out to Grandpa's this morning. They wanted us to go and I really considered it. I know Grandpa would have liked us to be there too, but I was just not ready. Even though I have been back a few times since, this trip would have been different for me. I needed this anniversary for myself. I would have loved to go back, since I love it there so much, but not this trip. It just wasn't meant to be this time. We will celebrate Gram here, just the four of us, and I am at peace with that choice.